concentration gap

I can't knit.

I can't think.

Here's a newsflash: breaking up sucks! I know, nothing real Earthshattering in that statement, hmm? If this is what insanity feels like, just kill me now. I miss her, then I'm mad as H*ll at her, then I want to tell her that I still love her, then I never want to see her again, then I want to call her, then I want to throw everything that reminds me of her in a heap and burn it, then I think I want us to be friends, then I have an overwealming urge to yell my head off at her, then... ect. ect. ect...

But through it all, I can't knit.

Or think.

I've been working on my genealogy a little. No self starting here, I got an email from a cousin in California, who found a quiery I posted a year ago. And of all the amazing wierd wonderful things that fate does to us, he works for a non-profit that helps people with autism! I have one branch that I had been stuck on in fairly recent times back to the 1600s now thanks to him! How cool is that?

I'm off to bed, maybe tomorrow I'll work on the weekend baby blanket that I have been trying to knit for almost a month. Maybe.

TTFN
Blessed Be
Dragonsong

latest batch

I finally got some actual knitting photos out of the camera, this is the last batch of stuff that I did for LBoH, I toss everything into a laundry basket as I finish until I have enough to do a load, then I wash it, and put it into the bins we separate everything into until we put layettes together. I have almost another load already.

Blessed Be

Dragonsong

I can't sleep

I hate the night.
The world is at peace, resting, quiet, and here I am, alone, with my thoughts.
My mind races.
What should be different.
I know. She should be here.
But I am alone. My bed cold and empty, to large for just one.
My arms ache to hold her.
My head to lay on her breast.
Hear her heartbeat.
Wisper, I love you, as I feel her breath on my cheek.
I pretend it's OK all day long.
I can't pretend at night.
I want her next to me.

Autism Walk finish line

Me, AJ, Chey, and Sean (in his sister's pink hoodie- what a great way to keep track of where he was in the crowd!)

Almost forgot!!!!!!!

I forgot to post that we went on the Autism walk in Erie! It was awesome! Sean had a rough time at first, because of all the people, I had to carry him for the first quarter mile, which was not easy, but he acclimated after that and he rode his scooter and ran around. It was a great day, even though it was cold and rainy, we had so much fun. I'll get the pics out of my camera and post some.

Blessed Be
Dragonsong

Just leave the flying monkeys alone already!

OK, I don't know why, but the three kids have had an obsession with the flying monkeys lately. Everything that happens, AJ says, "The flying monkeys did it!" The wicked witch of the west was just misunderstood! LOL

I'm trying to get my butt motivated to knit, the part that sucks is my motivation is, D is leaving, so I need to finish all of the projects I have been working on for her. Boy does that get me in the mood to get my needles clicking! HA!!! I think my hand is rehabbed about 95%, it still gets tired faster than it used to but I can knit again for longer than ten minutes at a time so I am happy.

I have been talking a lot to the group of people I met at the Zone last Wed., I am really happy that fate led me there that night, I don't know what possessed me to go there, but I made a group of great friends at a time when I needed a group of great friends, so the Goddess provided. We must have faith. So much is changing in my life, I am trying to be positive about it all. For the first time in a long time the other night I pulled out my herbs, I got my Cunningham book from the shelf and looked for herbs to help with anger, for the first time I thought Cunningham let me down, but the book opened on it's own to healing herbs when I dropped it in frustration. I made an incense of chamomile, rose, sage, and a few other healing herbs, I lit my altar candles, and I just sat and meditated with the incense burning. I do feel healed. Not completely, but on the right path, and MUCH less angry.

I don't know what is going to happen to me, or with me and D, but whatever happens, I know that I have three great kids, I have some great new friends, and I have my faith. My faith will never let me down so long as I keep it. I am going to do more to practice better, get to church more (the UU church- link at right- is so wonderful!), and just work on me. I am the only one who can heal me, I can let others help, but nobody can do it for me.

Always do your best to commit random acts of kindness, and senseless acts of beauty.
Blessed Be,
Dragonsong